Karma, the way of the Tiger

Tiger: Monkey, have you ever heard of the first law of thermal dynamics?
Monkey: Well, that depends on what you mean. I'd say it's very interesting how it opened up the trade routes to China at the dawn of the civilized world.
Tiger: What the hell are you talking about?
Monkey: You asked a stupid question, of course I haven't heard of it. I'm a friggin monkey, I eat bananas and drink beer.
Tiger: Sorry, how inconsiderate of me.
Monkey: It's ok.
Tiger: Thanks pal.
Anyway. The first law of thermal dynamics tells us that for every action there's an equal and opposite reaction. Then some gold-digger called Buddha picked it up and founded a religion around it. Kind of like all religions are formed, by taking something universal and translating it to people who don't read the books. Like James Bond.
Monkey: Are you comparing the great philosopher to a super-horny english guy with a gun and a gay smile?
Tiger: Fuck yeah (cute and cuddly censoring gets annoying after a while).
Monkey: I'm sure that would be blasphemy if buddhists were actually interested in hearing what you have to say. But please, do go on. Can't wait to hear your views on this.
Tiger: Ahhh, I love the smell of sarcasm in the evening...
So, karma tells us the same thing, that all good or bad things you do will eventually be repaid in full. So if you apply this to your life, what you should ideally have is a perfect balance. So you fuck someone's life up, someone else fucks your life up and it continues in this fashion until the end of all life. Then, it's payday, or a spring break of fuck-ups and blissful moments. Now you probably ask yourself:
Oh, whatever will I do? I can't control my actions that well. What if I step on someone's pet turtle and get to spend time in purgatory getting my intestines squashed out by a fat assed mongoloid albino gorilla.
Monkey: Hey, I take offense from that.
Tiger: Sorry buddy, I got carried away.
I can only tell you this. If we focus on the thermal dynamics part of of this theory/religion it tells us that all actions are repaid in full, but in physics that means mass which equals energy. From that perspective a pet turtle perhaps equals one of your feet. I totally prefer that aspect of physics, since it has no ethics or other mental factors applied to it.
Monkey: So if you blow up a building, you're totally fucked in other words.
Tiger: Ehh... Well, you know. This is all a theory and not really applicable to real life. Just like MacGyver.
Monkey: Hey, I don't like what you're implying. Richard Dean is God.
Tiger: True
Monkey: How about if you just shut the fuck up and let's go get a beer. It's almost weekend. What say you?
Tiger: Bring me the biggest glass you can find of that golden promise of good karma...
// Tiger & the Monkey