Waitresses, why so hot?

Tiger: I have come across this phenomena, the global kind, the best kind.
Basically it involves this sacred and holy strain of superwomen, bred for optimal cuteness who are completely untouchable (not like the movie where Sean Connery dies, crap scrip #€%!!).
They are employed by various shady or honest businesses just for the purpose of getting as deep into our tipping pockets as possible.
"-Oh no", you might say, "-they don't want my money, they just think I'm really cute and hot and all that".
That couldn't be further from the truth. In fact the truth is they don't give a furnituresuchasacouch (cute and cuddly censoring). They only want money.
Monkey: But hey, there are actually people who get a kick out of being kind and helpful, aren't you just bitter because none of them ever slipped you their number?
Tiger: If only it was that easy... No, they prey on you. How many times haven't you felt like you actually owe them to behave and tip and not chew with your mouth open? They make sure you don't get a chance to spill the smallest amount of liquid or meat or green stuff anywhere. They hit you when you're the most vulnerable, when you eat.
Monkey: I see your point, but I still believe they're nice people deep down.
Tiger: Ah, you've been seduced by the succubuses of service and winks. Can't you see?
Monkey: Well, I think you're just a bitter sundayonanotherbeach (cute and cuddly censoring). Their lives can't be that easy anyway, serving the same assholes that they rely on to get them some extra cash for whatever they need money for, girls stuff, you know, stuff. They can't have a bad day, if they do, bad days aren't just bad, they become worse because of it. The whole concept of turning a frown upside down, it's jinxed... Imagine having someone staring at your melons while trying to get some eye contact so you can do your wink and get that well deserved tip, now that's furnituresuchasacouch -ed up!
Tiger: Good man, you've just nailed it. I'm not saying all waitresses are like this, only the hot ones. But you've touched my heart, I really really regret saying all that bad stuff about stuff.
Whatever, let's hug and have beer and go get a bite to gobble down the old food-hole. What say you?
Monkey: Deal old pal!
// Tiger & the Monkey