Tiger: Monkey, have you ever heard of the first law of thermal dynamics?
Monkey: Well, that depends on what you mean. I'd say it's very interesting how it opened up the trade routes to China at the dawn of the civilized world.
Tiger: What the hell are you talking about?
Monkey: You asked a stupid question, of course I haven't heard of it. I'm a friggin monkey, I eat bananas and drink beer.
Tiger: Sorry, how inconsiderate of me.
Monkey: It's ok.
Tiger: Thanks pal.
Anyway. The first law of thermal dynamics tells us that for every action there's an equal and opposite reaction. Then some gold-digger called Buddha picked it up and founded a religion around it. Kind of like all religions are formed, by taking something universal and translating it to people who don't read the books. Like James Bond.
Monkey: Are you comparing the great philosopher to a super-horny english guy with a gun and a gay smile?
Tiger: Fuck yeah (cute and cuddly censoring gets annoying after a while).
Monkey: I'm sure that would be blasphemy if buddhists were actually interested in hearing what you have to say. But please, do go on. Can't wait to hear your views on this.
Tiger: Ahhh, I love the smell of sarcasm in the evening...
So, karma tells us the same thing, that all good or bad things you do will eventually be repaid in full. So if you apply this to your life, what you should ideally have is a perfect balance. So you fuck someone's life up, someone else fucks your life up and it continues in this fashion until the end of all life. Then, it's payday, or a spring break of fuck-ups and blissful moments. Now you probably ask yourself:
Oh, whatever will I do? I can't control my actions that well. What if I step on someone's pet turtle and get to spend time in purgatory getting my intestines squashed out by a fat assed mongoloid albino gorilla.
Monkey: Hey, I take offense from that.
Tiger: Sorry buddy, I got carried away.
I can only tell you this. If we focus on the thermal dynamics part of of this theory/religion it tells us that all actions are repaid in full, but in physics that means mass which equals energy. From that perspective a pet turtle perhaps equals one of your feet. I totally prefer that aspect of physics, since it has no ethics or other mental factors applied to it.
Monkey: So if you blow up a building, you're totally fucked in other words.
Tiger: Ehh... Well, you know. This is all a theory and not really applicable to real life. Just like MacGyver.
Monkey: Hey, I don't like what you're implying. Richard Dean is God.
Tiger: True
Monkey: How about if you just shut the fuck up and let's go get a beer. It's almost weekend. What say you?
Tiger: Bring me the biggest glass you can find of that golden promise of good karma...
// Tiger & the Monkey
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Monday, October 23, 2006
Alike, aren't we all?
Tiger: Last time we were discussing a worldwide phenomena, I thought we'd continue with another one. It seems to me that some coincidences are just too big of a coincidence to really be a coincidence.
Monkey: What the hell are you talking about? Is this another one of your conspiracy theories? Because the last one involving the "non-fat" fat was just a bit too greasy and wild, and totally boring...
Tiger: What a fine friend and listener you are indeed... How about this, just shut the furnituresuchasacouch up (cute and cuddly censoring, ccc) and don't interrupt me again. There will be time for questions and incoherent rambling later, friend.
Monkey: Sure, go ahead, prove me right.
Tiger: Right, I'll make you eat those evil and stinky words of yours.
Anyway, so why is it that we think we're all so damn special anyways? Because our moms told us so? Heeeell no, it's because we can't see the grand scheme of things for what it really is. Now, how many times didn't you think that you were the only person in the world who had a particular problem/sexual disposition/preference of partners/love of smelly green berries/anything?
Hell, I bet some people even think they are the only ones with that favorite unique color.
I can prove this mathematically.
Now, as long as you keep to the solids, and not like "poo-when-one-ate-a-mix-of-tar-scottish-pine-and-tuna color, I think I can pretty safely say that there are only 255x255x255 combinations, at least for a computer screen. That adds up to a total of 16,581,375 colors.
There are currently about 5,5 billion people on this planet. I think we can assume that most of those people have a preference of in ascending order, white, black, blue, pink & red. Some hippies are sure to be big fans of pine-green or hemp/emerald green too. And that's only a very simple example.
There are so many things we can have in common that there's no way in hell (not subject to cute and cuddly censoring, ccc) that anyone can possibly be so furnituresuchasacouch -ed up (ccc) that this rule wouldn't apply to them.
Monkey: Well, try to get to the point will you. Of course we have those insignificant things in common. We're human, we all have bones and 10 fingers, most of us anyway...
Tiger: Right, and you just went on and proved my point here. Since we all are made of the same stuff, have similar upbringings, do similar jobs, hear almost the same news and most of us have a mom and dad that try their best to love us and teach us the same stuff as other moms and dads, of course we're all more alike than we think.
I also think that we subconsciously attract other that think and act as we do.
Monkey: You sure make us sound like self-centered sheep, now don't you?
Tiger: Well, I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I really think it's great to feel special, but I don't go around thinking I'm unique and stuff. Hell, I'm just like you, except for some minor timing issues.
I really believe this uniqueness can be a bit destructive at times since it also makes us feel inferior to others. It's just as if we're only as good as the stuff we've done. Nothing could be more wrong, we're as good as we CAN be, or WILL be. It seems the human species focus too much on the past and present to see how things really are. That's all I'm saying.
Monkey: I'm glad you finally got to the point, and what a point. You're my very very best friend in the world.
Tiger: And you're mine.
// Tiger & the Monkey
Monkey: What the hell are you talking about? Is this another one of your conspiracy theories? Because the last one involving the "non-fat" fat was just a bit too greasy and wild, and totally boring...
Tiger: What a fine friend and listener you are indeed... How about this, just shut the furnituresuchasacouch up (cute and cuddly censoring, ccc) and don't interrupt me again. There will be time for questions and incoherent rambling later, friend.
Monkey: Sure, go ahead, prove me right.
Tiger: Right, I'll make you eat those evil and stinky words of yours.
Anyway, so why is it that we think we're all so damn special anyways? Because our moms told us so? Heeeell no, it's because we can't see the grand scheme of things for what it really is. Now, how many times didn't you think that you were the only person in the world who had a particular problem/sexual disposition/preference of partners/love of smelly green berries/anything?
Hell, I bet some people even think they are the only ones with that favorite unique color.
I can prove this mathematically.
Now, as long as you keep to the solids, and not like "poo-when-one-ate-a-mix-of-tar-scottish-pine-and-tuna color, I think I can pretty safely say that there are only 255x255x255 combinations, at least for a computer screen. That adds up to a total of 16,581,375 colors.
There are currently about 5,5 billion people on this planet. I think we can assume that most of those people have a preference of in ascending order, white, black, blue, pink & red. Some hippies are sure to be big fans of pine-green or hemp/emerald green too. And that's only a very simple example.
There are so many things we can have in common that there's no way in hell (not subject to cute and cuddly censoring, ccc) that anyone can possibly be so furnituresuchasacouch -ed up (ccc) that this rule wouldn't apply to them.
Monkey: Well, try to get to the point will you. Of course we have those insignificant things in common. We're human, we all have bones and 10 fingers, most of us anyway...
Tiger: Right, and you just went on and proved my point here. Since we all are made of the same stuff, have similar upbringings, do similar jobs, hear almost the same news and most of us have a mom and dad that try their best to love us and teach us the same stuff as other moms and dads, of course we're all more alike than we think.
I also think that we subconsciously attract other that think and act as we do.
Monkey: You sure make us sound like self-centered sheep, now don't you?
Tiger: Well, I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I really think it's great to feel special, but I don't go around thinking I'm unique and stuff. Hell, I'm just like you, except for some minor timing issues.
I really believe this uniqueness can be a bit destructive at times since it also makes us feel inferior to others. It's just as if we're only as good as the stuff we've done. Nothing could be more wrong, we're as good as we CAN be, or WILL be. It seems the human species focus too much on the past and present to see how things really are. That's all I'm saying.
Monkey: I'm glad you finally got to the point, and what a point. You're my very very best friend in the world.
Tiger: And you're mine.
// Tiger & the Monkey
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Waitresses, why so hot?
Tiger: I have come across this phenomena, the global kind, the best kind.
Basically it involves this sacred and holy strain of superwomen, bred for optimal cuteness who are completely untouchable (not like the movie where Sean Connery dies, crap scrip #€%!!).
They are employed by various shady or honest businesses just for the purpose of getting as deep into our tipping pockets as possible.
"-Oh no", you might say, "-they don't want my money, they just think I'm really cute and hot and all that".
That couldn't be further from the truth. In fact the truth is they don't give a furnituresuchasacouch (cute and cuddly censoring). They only want money.
Monkey: But hey, there are actually people who get a kick out of being kind and helpful, aren't you just bitter because none of them ever slipped you their number?
Tiger: If only it was that easy... No, they prey on you. How many times haven't you felt like you actually owe them to behave and tip and not chew with your mouth open? They make sure you don't get a chance to spill the smallest amount of liquid or meat or green stuff anywhere. They hit you when you're the most vulnerable, when you eat.
Monkey: I see your point, but I still believe they're nice people deep down.
Tiger: Ah, you've been seduced by the succubuses of service and winks. Can't you see?
Monkey: Well, I think you're just a bitter sundayonanotherbeach (cute and cuddly censoring). Their lives can't be that easy anyway, serving the same assholes that they rely on to get them some extra cash for whatever they need money for, girls stuff, you know, stuff. They can't have a bad day, if they do, bad days aren't just bad, they become worse because of it. The whole concept of turning a frown upside down, it's jinxed... Imagine having someone staring at your melons while trying to get some eye contact so you can do your wink and get that well deserved tip, now that's furnituresuchasacouch -ed up!
Tiger: Good man, you've just nailed it. I'm not saying all waitresses are like this, only the hot ones. But you've touched my heart, I really really regret saying all that bad stuff about stuff.
Whatever, let's hug and have beer and go get a bite to gobble down the old food-hole. What say you?
Monkey: Deal old pal!
// Tiger & the Monkey
Basically it involves this sacred and holy strain of superwomen, bred for optimal cuteness who are completely untouchable (not like the movie where Sean Connery dies, crap scrip #€%!!).
They are employed by various shady or honest businesses just for the purpose of getting as deep into our tipping pockets as possible.
"-Oh no", you might say, "-they don't want my money, they just think I'm really cute and hot and all that".
That couldn't be further from the truth. In fact the truth is they don't give a furnituresuchasacouch (cute and cuddly censoring). They only want money.
Monkey: But hey, there are actually people who get a kick out of being kind and helpful, aren't you just bitter because none of them ever slipped you their number?
Tiger: If only it was that easy... No, they prey on you. How many times haven't you felt like you actually owe them to behave and tip and not chew with your mouth open? They make sure you don't get a chance to spill the smallest amount of liquid or meat or green stuff anywhere. They hit you when you're the most vulnerable, when you eat.
Monkey: I see your point, but I still believe they're nice people deep down.
Tiger: Ah, you've been seduced by the succubuses of service and winks. Can't you see?
Monkey: Well, I think you're just a bitter sundayonanotherbeach (cute and cuddly censoring). Their lives can't be that easy anyway, serving the same assholes that they rely on to get them some extra cash for whatever they need money for, girls stuff, you know, stuff. They can't have a bad day, if they do, bad days aren't just bad, they become worse because of it. The whole concept of turning a frown upside down, it's jinxed... Imagine having someone staring at your melons while trying to get some eye contact so you can do your wink and get that well deserved tip, now that's furnituresuchasacouch -ed up!
Tiger: Good man, you've just nailed it. I'm not saying all waitresses are like this, only the hot ones. But you've touched my heart, I really really regret saying all that bad stuff about stuff.
Whatever, let's hug and have beer and go get a bite to gobble down the old food-hole. What say you?
Monkey: Deal old pal!
// Tiger & the Monkey
We're all gathered!
Thanks to iSight (other camera still evil & mean..^%%!!!!) we finally get a first peek at our two very very best friends.
Don't let yourselves be tricked by their cuddly wuddly cuteness.
These two guys are as bad-ass as any other cute & cuddly wuddly in-animate (yeah right) wedon'twantnoeducation butgiveusbeer&women, bad ass people.
Yeah...that's right.
Ehm... yeah!
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
The Tiger is here, the Monkey too!
Alive! Dead... Alive again!
Once a long time ago the two very very best friends in the world set out on a quest to bring a bit of harmony, love, bliss and delight to the world.
Unfortunately they were lost somewhere on the way.
After being swung between heartache, happiness and all other emotions in their spiritual vocabulary, they finally emerge again.
They are now stronger, more lovable and somewhat fatter off the buffet of life they've been feasting on between then and now.
Due to technical difficulties with a not so power possessed camera, we ask you to have patience and check back soon for the first sights of these two lovable bundles of joy, fake fur & endless wisdom beyond the bottom of a golden glass of beer. <--analogy
Anyway, thank you for the benefit of the doubt. Good karma for you!
// Tiger and the Monkey
Once a long time ago the two very very best friends in the world set out on a quest to bring a bit of harmony, love, bliss and delight to the world.
Unfortunately they were lost somewhere on the way.
After being swung between heartache, happiness and all other emotions in their spiritual vocabulary, they finally emerge again.
They are now stronger, more lovable and somewhat fatter off the buffet of life they've been feasting on between then and now.
Due to technical difficulties with a not so power possessed camera, we ask you to have patience and check back soon for the first sights of these two lovable bundles of joy, fake fur & endless wisdom beyond the bottom of a golden glass of beer. <--analogy
Anyway, thank you for the benefit of the doubt. Good karma for you!
// Tiger and the Monkey
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