tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-362568682012-01-17T09:06:41.621+01:00-the two very very best friends & antagonists-Tigerandthemonkeynoreply@blogger.comBlogger131100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36256868.post-2632039969744265302007-02-21T00:29:00.000+01:002007-02-21T00:31:57.300+01:00<span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Faaaaarrrk...<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: What? What?!<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: I friggin lost it!<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Amen...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: No, my motivation, you fat free popsicle!<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Did you check all of your body's cavities?<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: All except uranus, smartass...<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Meh...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: I was listening to all these other alpha males going on and on about their own ones and I totally lost my own. It's like it got scared and ran off with my balls.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Man, you're an idiot. You're not supposed to project other peoples motivations onto your own darn balls, they're holy ground see...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Well, I've really done it this time.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Ah, it's ok. If I had a cent for every time I've put my own ones in harms way, hell I'd have a dollar by now!<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: If you're gonna lie, do it with some extra spice. A dollar, pff...<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Don't you blow your nose at me mr soon-to-be-a-gay-pair-of-underpants.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: So how do I get it back again? I can barely get a hard-on in this state.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Easy, you look downwards in the food chain. Get some perspective, get drunk, get laid, get a new pair of socks, you stink.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Yeah! Will you join me on this quest of stinky horny drunkenness?<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey:</span> Do balls come in pairs?<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/36256868-263203996974426530?l=tigerandthemonkey.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tigerandthemonkeynoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36256868.post-42084408952792947812007-02-12T23:49:00.000+01:002006-12-12T22:54:05.349+01:00<span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Hey you!<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Well, hello there funny face!<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: When you look at me, what do you see?<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: My very best friend and partner in drunken disarray?<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: And...<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Big pointy teeth and a cute nose?<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Go on...<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Fur and bones...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Is there anything else you take particular notice of?<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: You took a bath? You're wearing a new set of stripes? You finally came out?<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Well, that's 66.666666666(whatever)% true.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Now I'm worried. Tell me, what should I be noticing?<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Well, I'm a tiger right?<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Right...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: But what is a tiger really?<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: One of mother earths beautiful creatures, born to be a killer and drink beer.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: True, but what is a tiger REALLY? And why is it called a tiger?<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: I don't see your point, please enlighten me, oh divine invention.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: I'm just contemplating on the absurdity of accepting a fact without certainty.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Well, isn't a fact just something that people accept for true unless there is reason to doubt it?<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: So you're saying that a fact is a possible lie or mistruth, since it doesn't have to be proven with certainty to be accepted?<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: I'm just saying that a fact should be judged by it's source and with a bit of common sense at first. Why doubt everything you hear?<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: But how do you know what sources to trust?<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: By previous experiences.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: So how do you know if what you hear is the truth when you hear it from a source previously untested by you?<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: That depends on which state of drunken delusion I'm in...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: I think it all starts in ourselves. We all carry some sense of knowledge that we can relate new facts to. All that stuff is based on stuff that we've seen first hand, or read about. It seems that stuff you read is easier to believe since it''s experienced as a neutral source most of the time. I think it's because we can hear ourselves reading it out loud in our heads and therefore it's easier to accept.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Yeah, I'm always in my own little world when I read. It's all about me and myself...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: And Mac Gyver, he is the truth.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Amen...<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/36256868-4208440895279294781?l=tigerandthemonkey.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tigerandthemonkeynoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36256868.post-60000127182803287612006-12-12T22:46:00.000+01:002006-12-12T22:54:05.403+01:00<span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Goooood evening Monkey!<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Hey old pal! What's cooking?<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Something struck me a couple of weekends ago, during a most delightful evening.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Lightning or a revelation?<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: The latter...<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Oh, how surprising. I wish you'd be less predictable every once in a while.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Less predictable or dead?<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Ah, perhaps that was a bad example...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Yes.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Oh...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: So, I was enjoying a beer or two, and had to visit the facilities, so to speak.<br />I did my duty and was on my way to return to my seat when I suddenly got a peak at god's most inner thoughts and contemplations.<br />Why is it really that we never seem to be quite satisfied with what we have anymore? I remembered when I was a little tiger and could play with the same pieces of LEGO for days and weeks without ever thinking that there could be more to life than those little bits of plastic heaven.<br />I was blissfully ignorant, so to speak.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: LEGO is the devil, I heard Hitler played with it too. He used to blow his LEGO up with firecrackers when he wasn't busy building scale models of what would later be named concentration camps.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Everyone has played with LEGO, and you're full of shit...<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: I will have you know I never played with LEGO...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Exactly<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Well, you smell bad.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: So, we've all been blissfully ignorant once, some stay that way too.<br />As blissfully ignorant, we don't really have any idea of what we "should" think about stuff and stuff. Everything is great until something bad happens.<br />The first warning signs with LEGO show up when you sneak around in the dark and one of those friggin things cuts your feet up something fierce.<br />That's the first moment in your life that you start doubting those pieces of endless joy.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: I had one stuck up my nose for three days.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: How did that happen?<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: You put it there.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Ah, the memories...<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: That's why I tumble dried all your Barbie clothes.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: I never had any Barbie dolls.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Exactly...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Uhm, well... So when that first doubt has set roots in your mind the rest just comes like a spring flood.<br />The older you get, the more stuff says "no no no" in your head.<br />If I didn't have any references I would perhaps be happily married by now to whoever had come along since then and now.<br />But since that's not gonna happen, all I can do is roll with it until the list of no-no's is so full that it just becomes silly.<br />Then I'll be free again. Free to redo all the stuff that has been put on hold.<br />Or I could just not give a fuck and just do it now. But that's not really like the person who I made myself into.<br />I'm a picky fucker, I love control and I don't like a lot of stuff.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Beer, you like beer?<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Beer is god and we are his mere servants. Put on earth to do his duty and make more beer and drink beer.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Is god good?<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Not as good as the goddesses who walk among us disguised as ladies, the true rulers of men. I would gladly add more no-no's to my list just to keep them warm on a cold night.<br />I am but a tiger after all.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/36256868-6000012718280328761?l=tigerandthemonkey.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tigerandthemonkeynoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36256868.post-57676883713306172632006-11-27T23:23:00.000+01:002006-11-27T23:29:08.243+01:00<span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: I thought I'd just share something with you all tonight.<br />Instead of the usual conversation I'd like to give you a text or a piece of poetry.<br />This one is something I just wrote for myself. If you ever feel a bit confused it's a good idea to put your thoughts in writing so you can go over them again and again until you understand yourself. This is my issue at the moment, I can't seem to give my dear old heart a bit of rest.<br /><br />Little <span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">heart</span>, little <span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">heart</span>!<br />What have you done?<br />You've been running in circles for <span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">far</span> too long.<br /><br />Little <span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">heart</span>, little <span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">heart</span>!<br />What have you become?<br />You've been living and loving but <span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">all</span> went wrong.<br /><br />Little <span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">heart</span>, little <span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">heart</span>!<br />Why were you so dumb?<br />You've been trying too hard <span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">just</span> to belong.<br /><br />Little <span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">heart</span>, little <span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">heart</span>!<br />When did you go numb?<br />You were once so vibrant, you <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">were</span> once <span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">strong</span>.<br /><br />Little <span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">heart</span>, little<span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);"> heart</span>!<br />What will you do?<br />You must focus again, start singing <span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">your</span> song.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: And this is about the point where "The Eye of the Tiger" starts banging in the background. Rising up, back on the street...<br />Ha ha, you know the rest people.<br />Rise up!<br />Good night and sleep tight!<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/36256868-5767688371330617263?l=tigerandthemonkey.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tigerandthemonkeynoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36256868.post-55087385011063620252006-11-14T23:09:00.000+01:002006-11-20T17:12:42.777+01:00<span style="COLOR: rgb(51,102,255)">Tiger</span>: Well, didn't expect to see you again so soon.<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(204,51,204)">Monkey</span>: Yeah, same here, compadre.<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(51,102,255)">Tiger</span>: I suppose we both felt the need to write some bull-crap again huh?<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(204,51,204)">Monkey</span>: Yep, sure seems that way...<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(51,102,255)">Tiger</span>: Shall we?<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(204,51,204)">Monkey</span>: Lead the way captain...<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(51,102,255)">Tiger</span>: So, let's talk about changes, or the concept of changes.<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(204,51,204)">Monkey</span>: Ooh, that sounds like a mouthful.<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(51,102,255)">Tiger</span>: Well, it's as filling as you make it partner, just keep them words running and we'll be home safe.<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(204,51,204)">Monkey</span>: Hah, easy.<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(51,102,255)">Tiger</span>: So the basic concept of change is that it is a reaction to elements in the surroundings of the subject. A reaction that can take two paths of action and one path which is just no action at all. Since no action is no change it's just plain boring to talk about, so we'll stick to the action part.<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(204,51,204)">Monkey</span>: All those big words are making my head hurt, speak my language stripey...<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(51,102,255)">Tiger</span>: Ok, if stuff happens we do stuff about it, either positive stuff or negative stuff, ok?<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(204,51,204)">Monkey</span>: Aah, this I can totally connect with.<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(51,102,255)">Tiger</span>: So what decides what way you react?<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(204,51,204)">Monkey</span>: Wait! Wait, I know this one!<br />Uhm... How many beers you had?<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(51,102,255)">Tiger</span>: Not a bad answer, but what if you're completely sober then?<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(204,51,204)">Monkey</span>: Well, ehm...<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(51,102,255)">Tiger</span>: Experience.<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(204,51,204)">Monkey</span>: Oh...<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(51,102,255)">Tiger</span>: Stuff that happened before that we still remember and maybe learned from.<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(204,51,204)">Monkey</span>: Ah...<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(51,102,255)">Tiger</span>: It's like if a person tells you that your sweater is ugly, you might not listen and think they're totally stupid. But if six people say it, then you might start thinking about putting on another one next time.<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(204,51,204)">Monkey</span>: Well, I'd totally go bare instead then. You've seen my buff body.<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(51,102,255)">Tiger</span>: Eh, yes, buff...<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(204,51,204)">Monkey</span>: Hit me! Right here in the chest! Witness my manly power!<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(51,102,255)">Tiger</span>: So, let's move on shall we?<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(204,51,204)">Monkey</span>: Sissy...<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(51,102,255)">Tiger</span>: Some people can change and turn bad over night, like spaghetti in the fridge. They get all stiff and dry. Others can blossom, like a butterfly.<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(204,51,204)">Monkey:</span> You ARE a sissy... Ooh, look at me, I'm a pretty little butterfly, wee waa woo...<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(51,102,255)">Tiger</span>: Sit down before you get slapped boy...<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(204,51,204)">Monkey</span>: Sorry, your sissyness overwhelmed me for a moment there.<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(51,102,255)">Tiger</span>: Something I've also noticed is that positive change usually comes from our own initiative, negative from pressure or sudden substantial events that affect us. I think that we can all make our own decisions and stick with them. It's just our stubborn nature to do so.<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(204,51,204)">Monkey</span>: Unless we're a mongoloid albino gorilla that eat bananas through a straw and can't even remember to go poo poo...<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(51,102,255)">Tiger</span>: Thank you, I was just getting to that.<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(204,51,204)">Monkey</span>: No problemo el commandante...<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(51,102,255)">Tiger</span>: Right, so my point here was... What the hell was my point again?<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(204,51,204)">Monkey</span>: I don't know, I just hang around to make sure you make a fool of yourself.<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(51,102,255)">Tiger</span>: Right, that does it, I say whatever I want to say because I have some measure of self respect and I can back up any of my statements till the day I perish and the sky comes crashing down if I have to. I'll listen when you've got something constructive to tell me, monkey brains...<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(204,51,204)">Monkey</span>: Ha ha, you can say thanks later... I just pulled your point out of you.<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(51,102,255)">Tiger</span>: Aah, you sweet little thing you... Exactly...<br />Always stand your ground unless you know you're wrong.<br />Then get on your knees and admit you've got no idea what to do.<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(204,51,204)">Monkey</span>: That's honesty and righteousness for you right there baby...<br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(51,102,255)">Tiger</span>: Bam!<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/36256868-5508738501106362025?l=tigerandthemonkey.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tigerandthemonkeynoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36256868.post-80489511639729419672006-11-13T23:38:00.000+01:002006-11-13T23:49:20.150+01:00<span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Good evening Monkey!<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Hello my dear friend!<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: How are you doing this fine night?<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Well, I'm just happy I got through the day.<br />I friggin dislike mondays...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Ah, sounds like you got a hit of the old monday blues...<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Very much so. Weekends just swoosh by and everything slows down as soon as monday comes around.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: But how was the weekend then?<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Ooh, it was magical...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Oh, how come?<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: All good things in life. Friends, love and beer...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Care to go a bit further into detail perhaps mystery monkey?<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Hey, get off my back already, I'm savoring the moment...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Sorry, I'm just curious my furry friend.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Ah, what a fine weekend in deed...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Damn you! Tell me now!<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Alright, alright, I'm just teasing.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: You almost scared my stripes off for a moment there buddy...<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Always with the analogies huh? Mr fancy stripes...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Well, I'm a tiger, I roll with it...<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Anyways, here it goes...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Go!<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: So this friday I met this wonderful lady. I listened to her stories over a fine dinner and some fine wine. It was all just lovely, like one of those fancy books with nice hardcovers. Man, that lady had some overwhelming stories to tell, but it all just went straight to the heart of this old monkey. Like a banana, layer after layer was peeled off, until the juicy fruit was just sitting there, staring straight at me, smiling...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Man, that's a kick ass analogy...<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: It was just all so beautiful and honest.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: So why the monday blues?<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Well, I miss all that. Nothing special happened today, just ordinary life and all. It's quite okay and fun and all, but not special in any particular way.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: I see...<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: But it's nice to have some friends to bring some magic back into my life. Like you my dear tiger.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Thank you, that's a sweet thing to say.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: I just hope I can get another injection<br />of that specialness soon.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Amen brother. I could use some juicy fruit too.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Damn you monday! You're always a heartache!<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Think it'll listen?<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: No, but at least it'll know where I stand...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: True...<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: So, sleepy dreamy time?<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Uh huh, race you to the bathroom!<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Not fair! You were sitting on my lap!<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: First one gets to use the toothbrush first!<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Aaahh, damn it, I get your stinky breath in my mouth again...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: This is why I'm a tiger and you're just a slow little monkeeyyyy!!<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Last time ever that I let you sit on me you striped disaster...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Until next time everyone!<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Yeah, just sleep through next monday, trust me, it's what's best for all of us. Good night!<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">(dedicated to a juicy lady) </span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/36256868-8048951163972941967?l=tigerandthemonkey.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tigerandthemonkeynoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36256868.post-80608351460821589582006-11-09T22:58:00.000+01:002006-11-09T23:03:50.022+01:00<span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Hey Monkey, I love your ugly smile!<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Thanks baby, I think...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Let me explain myself. I really love it.<br />Like all things close to my heart, it's dear to me.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Go on...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Once you get past that unattractive surface it's really quite simple.<br />I think Hannibal Lecter said it best, "What do we desire? Things we see every day".<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Is this your way of saying you're fed up with me?<br />All those years of friendship... You're willing to throw it all away because my smile looks like the grill of a Cadillac El'dorado?<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: No, you cute little stupid ape... I said I love it and I mean it.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: I'm not hearing an "I'm sorry"...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Would you stop interrupting me and let me explain already?<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Whatever...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Now, now, turn that frown upside down.<br />I don't think that love that's only skin deep is ever worth the time that's been wasted on it. Sure, we can all be seduced by that lingering presence of a very attractive woman, very much so. But at some point that just fades away like toilet paper that's been in the water for too long, and all that's left is that awful smell just before you flush... That's when we wish she at least had a really ugly smile.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Wow, I had no idea you were so full of crap...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Ha ha, I like you. I'm just trying to paint a strong picture so it'll seep into that thick brain of yours. Which I totally love by the way...<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: It's all thanks to beer and toilet paper.<br />Not that much crap though...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: I see.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Yes.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: No matter how ugly something is, we will start loving it the second we connect it to ourselves. We all feel a bit of pride looking at the pile of crap we disposed of during the moment before we flush it down the drain, never to see it again. It's who we are, it represents us, it carries our love out into the world.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Word...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: With this my friends, I bid you all goodnight. Until next time, love your crap, it came from your loins...<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/36256868-8060835146082158958?l=tigerandthemonkey.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tigerandthemonkeynoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36256868.post-28600132960858130192006-11-01T22:42:00.000+01:002006-11-01T22:43:27.027+01:00<span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: I totally wanted to write something, but my brain is full of snot and gooey stuff.<br />So it's not gonna happen folks... Check back in a couple of days for the next topic...<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Monkey</span>: Yeah, serves you right for leaving tigerstripes in my underwear you damn dirty wannabe-ape!<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Touché...<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/36256868-2860013296085813019?l=tigerandthemonkey.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tigerandthemonkeynoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36256868.post-37102618050757985502006-10-26T22:02:00.000+02:002006-10-26T22:08:07.138+02:00<span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger:</span> Monkey, have you ever heard of the first law of thermal dynamics?<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);">Monkey:</span> Well, that depends on what you mean. I'd say it's very interesting how it opened up the trade routes to China at the dawn of the civilized world.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger:</span> What the hell are you talking about?<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);">Monkey:</span> You asked a stupid question, of course I haven't heard of it. I'm a friggin monkey, I eat bananas and drink beer.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger:</span> Sorry, how inconsiderate of me.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);">Monkey:</span> It's ok.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger:</span> Thanks pal.<br />Anyway. The first law of thermal dynamics tells us that for every action there's an equal and opposite reaction. Then some gold-digger called Buddha picked it up and founded a religion around it. Kind of like all religions are formed, by taking something universal and translating it to people who don't read the books. Like James Bond.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);">Monkey:</span> Are you comparing the great philosopher to a super-horny english guy with a gun and a gay smile?<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger:</span> Fuck yeah (cute and cuddly censoring gets annoying after a while).<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);">Monkey:</span> I'm sure that would be blasphemy if buddhists were actually interested in hearing what you have to say. But please, do go on. Can't wait to hear your views on this.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger:</span> Ahhh, I love the smell of sarcasm in the evening...<br />So, karma tells us the same thing, that all good or bad things you do will eventually be repaid in full. So if you apply this to your life, what you should ideally have is a perfect balance. So you fuck someone's life up, someone else fucks your life up and it continues in this fashion until the end of all life. Then, it's payday, or a spring break of fuck-ups and blissful moments. Now you probably ask yourself:<br />Oh, whatever will I do? I can't control my actions that well. What if I step on someone's pet turtle and get to spend time in purgatory getting my intestines squashed out by a fat assed mongoloid albino gorilla.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);">Monkey:</span> Hey, I take offense from that.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger:</span> Sorry buddy, I got carried away.<br />I can only tell you this. If we focus on the thermal dynamics part of of this theory/religion it tells us that all actions are repaid in full, but in physics that means mass which equals energy. From that perspective a pet turtle perhaps equals one of your feet. I totally prefer that aspect of physics, since it has no ethics or other mental factors applied to it.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);">Monkey: </span>So if you blow up a building, you're totally fucked in other words.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger:</span> Ehh... Well, you know. This is all a theory and not really applicable to real life. Just like MacGyver.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);">Monkey:</span> Hey, I don't like what you're implying. Richard Dean is God.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger:</span> True<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);">Monkey:</span> How about if you just shut the fuck up and let's go get a beer. It's almost weekend. What say you?<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger:</span> Bring me the biggest glass you can find of that golden promise of good karma...<br />// Tiger &amp; the Monkey<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/36256868-3710261805075798550?l=tigerandthemonkey.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tigerandthemonkeynoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36256868.post-49980654312624470282006-10-23T22:22:00.000+02:002006-10-23T23:32:41.289+02:00<span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Last time we were discussing a worldwide phenomena, I thought we'd continue with another one. It seems to me that some coincidences are just too big of a coincidence to really be a coincidence.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);">Monkey</span>: What the hell are you talking about? Is this another one of your conspiracy theories? Because the last one involving the "non-fat" fat was just a bit too greasy and wild, and totally boring...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: What a fine friend and listener you are indeed... How about this, just shut the furnituresuchasacouch up (cute and cuddly censoring, ccc) and don't interrupt me again. There will be time for questions and incoherent rambling later, friend.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);">Monkey</span>: Sure, go ahead, prove me right.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Right, I'll make you eat those evil and stinky words of yours.<br />Anyway, so why is it that we think we're all so damn special anyways? Because our moms told us so? Heeeell no, it's because we can't see the grand scheme of things for what it really is. Now, how many times didn't you think that you were the only person in the world who had a particular problem/sexual disposition/preference of partners/love of smelly green berries/anything?<br />Hell, I bet some people even think they are the only ones with that favorite unique color.<br />I can prove this mathematically.<br />Now, as long as you keep to the solids, and not like "poo-when-one-ate-a-mix-of-tar-scottish-pine-and-tuna color, I think I can pretty safely say that there are only 255x255x255 combinations, at least for a computer screen. That adds up to a total of 16,581,375 colors.<br />There are currently about 5,5 billion people on this planet. I think we can assume that most of those people have a preference of in ascending order, white, black, blue, pink & red. Some hippies are sure to be big fans of pine-green or hemp/emerald green too. And that's only a very simple example.<br />There are so many things we can have in common that there's no way in hell (not subject to cute and cuddly censoring, ccc) that anyone can possibly be so furnituresuchasacouch -ed up (ccc) that this rule wouldn't apply to them.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);">Monkey</span>: Well, try to get to the point will you. Of course we have those insignificant things in common. We're human, we all have bones and 10 fingers, most of us anyway...<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Right, and you just went on and proved my point here. Since we all are made of the same stuff, have similar upbringings, do similar jobs, hear almost the same news and most of us have a mom and dad that try their best to love us and teach us the same stuff as other moms and dads, of course we're all more alike than we think.<br />I also think that we subconsciously attract other that think and act as we do.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);">Monkey</span>: You sure make us sound like self-centered sheep, now don't you?<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Well, I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I really think it's great to feel special, but I don't go around thinking I'm unique and stuff. Hell, I'm just like you, except for some minor timing issues.<br />I really believe this uniqueness can be a bit destructive at times since it also makes us feel inferior to others. It's just as if we're only as good as the stuff we've done. Nothing could be more wrong, we're as good as we CAN be, or WILL be. It seems the human species focus too much on the past and present to see how things really are. That's all I'm saying.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);">Monkey</span>: I'm glad you finally got to the point, and what a point. You're my very very best friend in the world.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: And you're mine.<br />// Tiger &amp; the Monkey<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/36256868-4998065431262447028?l=tigerandthemonkey.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tigerandthemonkeynoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36256868.post-75911064769486200352006-10-19T23:14:00.001+02:002006-10-19T23:23:15.141+02:00<span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: I have come across this phenomena, the global kind, the best kind.<br />Basically it involves this sacred and holy strain of superwomen, bred for optimal cuteness who are completely untouchable (not like the movie where Sean Connery dies, crap scrip #€%!!).<br />They are employed by various shady or honest businesses just for the purpose of getting as deep into our tipping pockets as possible.<br />"-Oh no", you might say, "-they don't want my money, they just think I'm really cute and hot and all that".<br />That couldn't be further from the truth. In fact the truth is they don't give a furnituresuchasacouch (cute and cuddly censoring). They only want money.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);">Monkey</span>: But hey, there are actually people who get a kick out of being kind and helpful, aren't you just bitter because none of them ever slipped you their number?<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: If only it was that easy... No, they prey on you. How many times haven't you felt like you actually owe them to behave and tip and not chew with your mouth open? They make sure you don't get a chance to spill the smallest amount of liquid or meat or green stuff anywhere. They hit you when you're the most vulnerable, when you eat.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);">Monkey</span>: I see your point, but I still believe they're nice people deep down.<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Ah, you've been seduced by the succubuses of service and winks. Can't you see?<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);">Monkey</span>: Well, I think you're just a bitter sundayonanotherbeach (cute and cuddly censoring). Their lives can't be that easy anyway, serving the same assholes that they rely on to get them some extra cash for whatever they need money for, girls stuff, you know, stuff. They can't have a bad day, if they do, bad days aren't just bad, they become worse because of it. The whole concept of turning a frown upside down, it's jinxed... Imagine having someone staring at your melons while trying to get some eye contact so you can do your wink and get that well deserved tip, now that's furnituresuchasacouch -ed up!<br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Tiger</span>: Good man, you've just nailed it. I'm not saying all waitresses are like this, only the hot ones. But you've touched my heart, I really really regret saying all that bad stuff about stuff.<br />Whatever, let's hug and have beer and go get a bite to gobble down the old food-hole. What say you?<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);">Monkey</span>: Deal old pal!<br />// Tiger &amp; the Monkey<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/36256868-7591106476948620035?l=tigerandthemonkey.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tigerandthemonkeynoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36256868.post-81720372889676024562006-10-19T21:29:00.000+02:002006-10-19T21:47:29.437+02:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger2/7268/4425/1600/tigermonkey.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger2/7268/4425/320/tigermonkey.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Thanks to iSight (other camera still evil & mean..^%%!!!!) we finally get a first peek at our two very very best friends.<br />Don't let yourselves be tricked by their cuddly wuddly cuteness.<br />These two guys are as bad-ass as any other cute &amp; cuddly wuddly in-animate (yeah right) wedon'twantnoeducation butgiveusbeer&women, bad ass people.<br />Yeah...that's right.<br />Ehm... yeah!<span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);font-size:130%;" ><br /></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/36256868-8172037288967602456?l=tigerandthemonkey.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tigerandthemonkeynoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36256868.post-1161201116244854892006-10-18T21:47:00.000+02:002006-10-19T22:00:49.298+02:00<span style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Alive! Dead... Alive again!</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">Once a long time ago the two very very best friends in the world set out on a quest to bring a bit of harmony, love, bliss and delight to the world.</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">Unfortunately they were lost somewhere on the way.</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">After being swung between heartache, happiness and all other emotions in their spiritual vocabulary, they finally emerge again.</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">They are now stronger, more lovable and somewhat fatter off the buffet of life they've been feasting on between then and now. </span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">Due to technical difficulties with a not so power possessed camera, we ask you to have patience and check back soon for the first sights of these two lovable bundles of joy, fake fur & endless wisdom beyond the bottom of a golden glass of beer. <--analogy </span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;"> Anyway, thank you for the benefit of the doubt. Good karma for you!</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;"> // Tiger and the Monkey</span> </span><br /></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/36256868-116120111624485489?l=tigerandthemonkey.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tigerandthemonkeynoreply@blogger.com0